i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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