Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
