well I can't set my house on fire every night
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
