Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
