I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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