You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
