I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
