I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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