There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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