would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize