just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
