My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
