Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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