I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize