So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
