you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
