dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
