My first STD was from a foam party
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
