I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
