Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
