At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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