No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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