White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You took a bar mat shot.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
