if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize