a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
