She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
