Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
