thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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