yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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