True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i out mim tonsoeep
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
the raccoons are back...
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