i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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