Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
