Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
