P.S. I can't hear my feet
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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