the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize