Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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