I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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