did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
