Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
