All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
