he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
