Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
