Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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