I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize