We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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