I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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