I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There are leaves in my underwear?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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