Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
