We named our party play list daddy issues
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
