even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
