therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
