dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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