I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
