I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
