Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Farmville is her only friend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
