That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
