i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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