and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
