Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize