im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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