Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
