Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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