last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
