Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
