and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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