i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
