lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
