I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
