i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize