best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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