her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
