You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
