No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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