Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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