it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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