What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
